What would Christmas look like after the end of the world?
On the evening of the 7th of December 2024 we threw a one-of-a-kind Christmas party in a real nuclear bunker on the edge of Edinburgh.
Barnton Bunker was built in the 1960s, and would have housed around 400 lucky survivors in the event of nuclear war.
There, three floors below the surface, they would have been shielded from the horrifying effects of nuclear war… and would have remained sheltered as fallout on the surface extinguished all life and cloaked the world in a decades-long nuclear winter.
Fortunately, Barnton Bunker was never used for its intended purpose.
But for this event, we imagined what it might be like to try and resurrect the long-forgotten traditions of Christmas some long years after the apocalypse.
For food, we had a delicious festive spread of insect-based trail mix, shelf-stable Pot Noodles, and a bulk pack of more than 200 British Army surplus date & banana bars. Plus some totally non-radioactive drinks.
For entertainment, we had a selection of talented artists, including our featured performers: eerie and experimental vocalist Bell Lungs and chaotic, plague-mask-wearing Dr Bonk.
Visitors could drop in on the last tree in existence, and assemble decorations for it from scavenged tinfoil.
Naturally the tree, being the very last, attracted a small but dedicated cult-like following.
We also took a tour of the bunker itself. Since the end of the world, the occupants of the lower floors had gone quite insane and constructed a bizarre festive/spooky Santa’s grotto in what was once a broadcast studio.
We were fortunate to have only a fleeting (but very musical) encounter with them.
In the end, every single one of our guests survived. A Christmas miracle!
Speaking of which… it appears that the festive magic was strong enough to bring the last tree in existence firmly back to life. And, magically, adorn it with some nuclear decorations.
In another universe, the concrete-lined bunker where we had our Christmas party would have been all that was left: a grim, dark little bolthole that preserved a tiny fraction of tenuous life.
But it’s not that. In this timeline, it’s an excellent place for a party. Happy Christmas everybody!